Barpocalypse Now …The Horror …The Horror
It’s Day 2 and we are in the midst of an all out BARmageddon on Market Street. Volo, Hand + Foot, and The Cellar are all closed this week – at the same time – and it’s a complete BARtrocity. While I do understand that there are several other great options on Market Street, you have to understand something about me in return: I’m a sucker for hipster places. And now, when I walk up and down the street in quiet desperation, my pace a little more hurried each time, I feel empty inside without a chalkboard quote to reflect upon or an open bar with a name that doesn’t reference anything you’d normally expect. The Gaffer is great, but their menu isn’t printed on distressed paper held against a clipboard. I do love Atlas, but they don’t serve their beer in brown paper bags or tin cups. What am I supposed to do with a normal pint glass?!
Some of the things I’ve done to pass the time so far include Instagram photo shoots with my dog, drinking water (for hydration), watching old movies in my own living room, working late, knocking on the doors of all three establishments to see if it’s just a cruel joke, “cooking” for myself, and making lists of bar-related puns for this BARticle. Please laugh at that and then write it in the comments that you laughed. I’m so lonely.
Now, I know this is only going to last for one week, but one time I finished a marathon and it took me 5 hours and I thought time would never move as slowly as it did that day. I was wrong; this week is a true aBARmination and it’s only Tuesday.
One of the things I miss the most is the perfect temperature at which the beer is served in these glorious establishments. That’s one of the things they don’t teach you when you craft your own 6-pack at Wegmans. I do have a beer drawer in my fridge, but I’m never sure how to set the level of crispness. Plus, I’m so used to the incredible service of the bartenders and wait staff that I can’t even recognize when my own beer is getting low. Just last night, I sipped on an empty bottle for nearly 25 minutes.
The truth is, it’s not a complete deBARcle in the end. These places will reopen in a week and they’ll be better than ever. Hand + Foot, only a little over a year old, is fine-tuning some details and making sure everything is in its best shape. The Cellar is doing quite a bit of BARnovation, adding some additional dinner seating and extending the length of its main bar while removing the second one altogether. Volo, on the other hand… well I think they’re just on vacation and we can expect the same beautiful old movies in the same beautiful atmosphere when this modern-day BARhibition is finally BARadicated.
In the meantime, my sober friends and I will be gathering signatures for an ordinance proposal to the City of Corning that this is never allowed to happen again.